Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Worms in the Ear (Update)

My latest prose tale of the terrifying, Worms in the Ear, will appear in the January 2014 issue of Under the Bed.

Monday, December 9, 2013

Fuller K. LaRouche – The Clown Vagabond of Vaginal Irritation

Fuller K. LaRouche; the performance artist, the fully functioning dope fiend and the matador. Fuller K. LaRouche; the agent provocateur, the published writer and the human being.
Fuller K. LaRouche, the artist, again assaults America’s Puritan conscience with his illicit illustrations in pop culture evisceration – namely his seminal piece on post-neorealist feminism and hip hop as interpreted by the urban artisanal set - the subtly titled Pork Ribs in my Vagina

Curated by the Master himself and interpreted by a coven of upper middle class white Midwestern witch transplants to Brooklyn, Pork Ribs in my Vagina is a devious sort of revolution in the guise of the “art show”, a veritable celebration of both the vagina and comfort food and Americana as all three collide both literally and metaphorically in a benign, quasi-Marxist exultation of occult desires and culinary deviations.

Fuller K. LaRouche, the lunatic shaman and post-apocalyptic poet has once again realigned the universe – Pork Ribs in my Vagina will forever redefine the way in which our society interprets the penetration of our species’ most valued organ.   

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

The Rejection Letter Game

To the victims of slush pile jockeys and sadistic editors worldwide...Never forget...


14 points if you actually did read the magazine/review before submitting

18 points if the rejection has a request to like their Facebook or follow their Twitter 

30 points if the rejection letter arrives an entire year after the original submission

8 points if the rejection letter contains a sentence written in passive voice  

19 points if you didn't actually simultaneously submit elsewhere

42 points if you specifically wrote your story for that particular anthology/magazine

11 points if the rejecting editor has a goatee

-10 points if the rejection actually contains genuine constructive criticism

16 points if the rejection letter contains multiple sentences written in passive voice

25 points if you receive a personal (not automated) chiding for not following an arcane submission requirement

14 points if you receive the exact same copied and pasted rejection a second time

40 points if you didn't even realize a story you long since gave up on was still "in consideration"