Monday, March 10, 2014

Fuller K. LaRouche – The Demonic Dictator of a Dystopic Diocese

In his trademarked beret and poncho, Fuller K. LaRouche embodies the contemporary sexual guerilla – a narcissistic, masochistic conquistador of suppressed desires. LaRouche – the nearly autistic partisan of this generation’s suburban milieu – has enlightened Brooklyn (and displaced more than a few natives) with his newest designs in the depraved – Human Ant Farm.

LaRouche has broken the mold for the art show in kidnapping a herd of genuine Mongolian tribesmen and bringing them to Western civilization – only to force them to coexist in a commune with bourgeoisie performance artists behind a two way mirror (all to the delight and dismay of passerbys). 

LaRouche, the clown pope of the perpetually offended, skirts and rejects the controversy stemming from this human trafficking incident by rightfully defending his work as an obtuse exercise in bimodalism – which is to say, a gruesome compare and contrast between the metaphysical frustration and oblivion of both Central Asian nomads and contemporary American artists.

The result is simply, and unadulteratedly, outstanding. Although this neo-Dadaist human zoo has nearly resulted in several homicides and a decapitation, LaRouche plans on not only seeing the exhibit through for the duration of the spring, but also on abducting another indigenous tribe for a similar exhibit in Berlin which will feature mimes and amputee circus performers.

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Count Drunkula and the 3-Dimensional Wolf Boy

This October - that beloved season of witching, warlocking and werewolving - I am delighted to present another guest blogger who will present five tales of the terrifying. 

Unfortunately it will not be the good Dr. von Gastly, who is undergoing both an extensive medical license review and a nasty malpractice suit due to his rather, ahem, unconventional techniques.

Count Drunkula and his codependent sidekick, the 3-Dimensional Wolf Boy, but mostly Count Drunkula, will unveil a litany of lewd and lascivious cinema – a marathon, if you will, of obscure films no longer extant and lost to history. 

The B-movie horror host and his assistant, formerly of KXFP in Kenosha, Wisconsin – were recently paroled for charges stemming from an incident back in Halloween, 1981. 

The duo, having been terminated from their positions as the resident masters of ceremonies after the cancellation of Kenosha’s own Late Nite Horror Hijinks - hijacked the KXFP airwaves on October 31st, 1981 for a 17 hour unsolicited horror marathon that ultimately ended in a standoff and shootout with the Wisconsin State Police.

Who better to host a list of the most unnatural and unnerving films never known to general audiences than this deranged duo? This All Hallow’s Eve prepare for another installment of Tales of the Mad and the Macabre.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

That Damned Goat

My latest dalliance with the demonic, That Damned Goat, appears in the February 23rd, 2014 edition of Schlock!.

I have yet to find a creditable online vendor willing to shill my merchandise; including but not limited to various trinkets of my travels such as shrunken heads, genuine hoodoo dolls, and discounted freak show paraphernalia.

However, you can buy a t-shirt containing the helpful Damned Goat infographic/flow chart above - guaranteed to confound and horrify your friends and employer.