Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Confidence, Polyglotism and Hitler's Missing Testicle - Notes from a Traveler

 In spite of my extensive travels I have made a point of never learning or using the local native language – not even the most basic of introductory greetings. Polyglotism amongst native English speakers is considered, at best, an indication of weakness to the loose officials and corrupt women a Westerner so often encounters in the second and third world…

My resident procurer, Sven Svensen of the Stockholm Natural History Museum, is renowned for his expertise in Pre-Columbian death cults and enjoys a certain international infamy for his lucrative business as an exotic provider of mistresses for dictators worldwide. 

As a young man the slender Swede enjoyed some measure of popularity as a rent-boy amongst the higher Nazi echelon but it was his Leningrad tryst with the alleged beard of a Georgian NKVD officer that allowed him to smuggle the Soviets' most prized possession out of a vault from underneath the Kremlin, a well-preserved memento from their Great Patriotic War – Adolf Hitler’s lone testicle…

Smut, political cartoon, failed visual analogy or all (or none) of the above? You be the judge

As in polite Western society, abroad I have found that confidence, and arrogantly acting as though you know what you are doing even though you do not, is always effective…

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