Saturday, March 9, 2013

Alias Super Caligula Part IV: Mondo Super Caligula

The final chapter of Alias Super Caligula, and a conclusion largely inspired by an anecdote concerning a video store patron who confessed to finishing first and third during a group viewing of that seminal slice of 1980's cinema, Porky's.

Canada's #1 Grossing Film, Adjusted for Inflation

Cock plucking and gizzard sucking greeted my arrival at their nightly revival, where Ben Wa balls and crawfish crawls mocked the cornstalks until the duke of the dung heap was seen to creep - the lanky kingpin of sin from Bangkok to the Soviet Bloc.

I found myself goaded by garrotes and Cheshire gloats to march within the reign of the banana pepper locust domain. My desperate suggestion of a gland prix piqued the interest of the vile freak and his merry band of circus geeks.  

Our circle jerk spurred the thirst of the absurd as I finished first and then third, as Super Caligula proceeded to cop more feels than Carter has liver pills amongst his louse ridden shills. 

This sent the banana pepper locusts into a frenzy of frantic feeding, the resulting chaos rendering the flesh of Super Caligula into a gory jest – his perverse army reduced into a bleeding mess. 

Perhaps the gleam from a brain unseamed or a passing pipe dream, but from some vague place I heard the wailing moan of a ghostly trombone.

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