I recall that sultry summer romancing vulnerable widows throughout the upper Midwest, a summer in which I first heard with morbid delight that tale of a farmer’s plump wife who quivered in fright after hearing a buzzing of a carnivorous design in that valley full of venereal vines.
Swallowed yarns and Amish barns served as hints to an interdimensional gate that amputated reality and palpitated the mind into altered states. This a Mecca of manglings due to the banana pepper locust army – fluorescent phantoms named for their waxy toxic lime yellow color and the peculiar shape of their horrible hanging drapes in their process of strategic scrapes.
Quite invisible in our third dimension, our comprehension of their invention is informed solely by those screams and shrieks by those shredded by the winged freaks. The damned souls sucked into this psychic sieve are weaved into the rusted gates and yeasty dates haunting the rotted 100 proof roofs of old Duluth.
Many a Soviet guest pawed the geographic Midwestern breast combing for this horror in the blessed American breadbasket and many left a hollow hammer and sickle sealed casket, their sole remains long since devoured by the gnawing pains of the locust chains. And yet this Cold War madness missed a trifle I rifled from a gout-ridden Cambodian bookie during my secret mission of fruition below and behind that Bamboo Curtain of death quite certain.
A bawdy Tijuana bible rendered by rips and stained with bourbon drips featured the Marx brothers and multiple others fornicating with Mae West at her bequest. Apart from the art and naughty parts a detailed map was scribbled by an eccentric farmer before his demise in the land of potato eyes, leaving the detailed location of this abhorrent damnation.
Hearing the horrors of those who had pursued this cancer and become unglued I locked this relic of the less than angelic in a vault of the eldritch and assorted kitsch, but not before I had disclosed its location to my Flemish affection and her brass trombone section. Their subsequent deaths no doubt the reflection of a conniving connection – Super Caligula.