Human Auctions, Pervert-Tourists and Saved by the Bell: The College Years - Notes from a Traveler

I had been contracted to find and rescue the oracle of Siam. After many considerable bribes, I had found myself on a mostly deserted island in Micronesia that still furnished rusting Hirohito-era Japanese military equipment.

This is where I encountered one Rusty McDonagall. No pictures of him remain, but he was a dead ringer for Bob Golic as Mike the Resident Advisor on Saved by the Bell: The College Years (as pictured above).

The oracle of Siam was featured as a piece of flesh merchandise in a human auction, and I found myself surrounded by mercenaries, slave traders, rogues, scoundrels and upper echelon members of the KGB.

I went tit for tat with McDonagall in bidding for the Siamese oracle to acquire her freedom and, of course, to obtain the significant bounty from concerned parties. I had figured McDonagall to be a wealthy Western pervert-tourist, but he too was seeking the same bounty from the same concerned parties.

After we had exhausted ourselves, a deviant member of a sheik oligarchy went over our heads and purchased her. I can't say where she is now, but I do know that neither McDonagall or myself received the significant bounty.

I met McDonagall again in the Australian outback four years afterward, and we laughed about our tragic misunderstanding over a round of frosty beers.

Rusty now has nine children and an obese Belgian wife. He and his wife currently do the Lord's work as Mormon missionaries in rural Sudan, and I wish them the best.