Monday, October 8, 2012

Sex, Drugs & Interdimensional Monsters


There are certain unspeakable evils known only to the primal eaters of cultivated kumquats, beer brats and syphilitic circus twats. 

I had found myself in a mostly maligned estate most archaic, somewhere in the witch haunted and loathsomely taunted far northern forests of Quebec in investigation of a supposed coven of cunts most craven in their Canadian callousness. In divining the jugglers and juggernauts of the mid to late aughts they had unleashed a legion of entities of the utmost unimaginable. A black era of erroneous evolution had emerged, some interdimensional epoch most inefficient in its self-efficacy.

Night cretins and the twats of Eton prowled the paths of the Puritans with stars spangling and tentacles dangling. Unnatural urgencies and narcissistic emergencies as fangs met flesh, splaying the adipose mesh of the late John Tesh. Horrific happenstance and the Transylvanian trance seduced the sycophants into slaughter, and monkeys grinding organs served as a symbolic substitute for once and future Borgians.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Werewolf Jamboree

My latest hijinks in horror Werewolf Jamboree is included in this week's edition of Schlock!.

Monday, October 1, 2012

I Was A Teenage Murderer

From my despotic demonic doo wop delusions or hypnotic past life illusions I had received a macabre appreciation of my karmic depreciation. In short, a chilling confession from beyond the grave...


I Was A Teenage Murderer

I was a teenage murderer,
Reaping a bloody overture -
Killing and maiming like a pretentious pagan,
So spread your legs for his majesty Satan.

I was a teenage murderer,
Carnage was my only cure -
Frying ears and kidneys to garnish my bacon,
So drop to your knees to suckle my Satan.

From Hell this heat I must endure,
Being a lovelorn murderer -
My one and only, I devoured her brains,
And now I'm alone and I'm the one to blame.

The one I loved, she so demure,
And I a teenage murderer -
She haunted the streets to earn her wages,
Now she haunts my heart and these blood-stained pages.

I was a teenage murderer,
Reaping a bloody overture -
Killing and maiming like a pretentious pagan,
So spread your legs for his majesty Satan.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

A Long Time Ago

We'll meet again in the place where forgotten dreams stitch the seams of moon beams.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Happy Trails

Bolivian cattle and gauchos in the saddle ride happy trails with incontinent quails in liturgical veils, cocaine rails or belligerent snails comfort the cretins of Wales or the diabolical deacons of jubilant jails.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Olympus Mons Pubis

Olympus Mons Pubis or the hubris of Anubis anointed the corn pone cunts collecting candy corn in a coon's age, as local yokels yodeling laments of the Yuletide or lullaby sacraments of cyanide harassed heretical whores of Honduran hesitance, pestilence and common sense assaulted asinine oligarchs obnoxious in their octopi.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Horror Horror Horror

My latest spine-tingler Horror Horror Horror will be included in the upcoming Schlock! anthology.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Poconos

We left for the Poconos apropos, enjoying the platypus twats and gingerbread blots served at the buffets for masturbation moratoriums and gang bang emporiums. The ichor of gonorrhea and rites of SanterĂ­a gratified me in their bubonic colonic rapture, even as the holistic hoarders without borders scratched their phantom limbs on jungle gyms.

Dog Days

Cargo cults appeased the ghost of Dutch Schultz with rattlesnake molts and gingersnap jolts, as the syphilitic sinners quivered in their dinners - feasting on their flesh in the haunts of Marrakesh.